It is my last and final year in which I have experienced university. I was all set to go into a mental health career – but there is such a level of low I couldn’t explain until know.
But I recently felt called read Patti Smith – M train, it is her in the hear now travelling around being a writer – watching the world change from the 60’s, I’ve just got to the part were a cafe she had frequented many a time had closed, it was her sacred space the way she writes takes me right there to her place, as her and the cafe owner stood alone looking around in silence as they said their own goodbyes. For really there are not sacred spaces they are being taken away.
The point is she has awakened the writer that lies inside of me, and I just had a life shock that everything I learnt at university doesn’t really mean anything. I recently received a really good mark for my essay but I know it because I followed the rules. When I read it, it doesn’t really say much at all. Because psychology doesn’t. Writers delve into the human psyche like no psychologist can. I recently read J G Ballard – High rise and he created a scenario in which a whole high rise went tribal, and its about predicting what could happen – projecting into the future.
Finally, I am sad about Art, for instance – in psychology Intelligence is everything it predicts all the best life outcomes, money – success – longer life. Well, it irks me, of course, it does if society puts emphasis on the importance of cognitive ability. But what of art – maybe I won’t live longer – maybe I’ll be broke – and quite often I’ll be sad but it is in this way my mind is free. Yesterday I went to see a free concert by the nest collective who run events around London for folk singers. There were two artists, one called Katherine Priddy – her lyrics were about travellers and I remember that she sang ‘the fire will always be lit for the travellers when they come home’ and ‘ I will leave the door ajar and a light on the stairs’ she sang about the island Eigg in Scotland which she visited, just to see an island which was bought by the resident and is now independent, how there was a strong storm as she came in all alone, and how she could see nothing but the mist, but yet heard the sound of bagpipes and the clearing of the mist that uncovered a beautiful rocky place. When she arrived she celebrated independence with the residents. Her voice was so melodic it sent me into such a trance of peace and contentment. The second act had spent their life playing music around the world – what a life. Its the price of freedom. Its Patti Smith with her cotton sack, sitting alone in cafes. It is the artists that save lives as they drown in their own, yet they have seen so much more then anyone could see in the prison of their office.
So now I’m thinking about moving to the sea, there are places that still cheap and its possible to get a studio flat for the same price as a room in a shared house of 6 people in London. That if I can live on nothing at all but still keep my freedom then – that’s the kind of life I want to live.
‘The light I was needing she was standing with me’